The Differences Between The Past and The Future
by LieSola
Summary: We used to be happy together. But it's just some memories now. You changed, I changed. We both changed and become someone who we're not supposed to be. How could this happen to us? But still, the feelings I have for you is still inside of me and it wont change no matter what you did. IllumixOC.
1. Chapter 1

**This is my first story, so please go easy on me okay?  
**

**Please note that Illumi is not OOC in here, it's just his past.**

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My name is Sora Lie. Right now, I'm taking hunter exam with my fiancé.

**Flashback:**

_*knock knock"_

"_What is it?" I said without opening the door. _

"_The Master want you to come to his office right now." The maid replied._

_I opened the door and stared at the trembling maid._

"_Go away now before I killed you." I said to her._

_Then she excused herself and run away from me._

_I walked and accidentally saw my one year old brother playing with my mother. I wonder if I get treated like that too in the past. It must be happy to become a child. They have no problem and do everything they want._

_I keep walking to my father's office. When I arrived, I just open the door without knocking. He won't kill me after all. No, he CAN'T kill me._

_When I open the door, I saw three people who is not supposed to be there. I saw Silva Zoldyck, Kikyo Zoldyck, and Illumi Zoldyck. _

"_Oh my, what a beautiful daughter you have there Zen!" said Illumi's mother._

_I looked at her then at my father. My father looked happy with her compliment._

"_Thanks for your compliment Kikyo, after all she's your son's future wife." _

_I'm shocked when I heard that but I show no emotion in my face. _

"_Now Illumi, you can walk around with her while I talk about some things with your parents." My father continued._

_Illumi nodded and stared at me. Then I walked away with him._

_I examined him, I had know him when I'm 5 years old and he's 9. Now he had long hair, but still expressionless. It's quite funny actually, meeting him again for the "second time" as his fiancé. _

"_Why you don't rejected it?" suddenly he asked me._

"_Hmm.. Why don't you, Illumi-san?" I asked him back._

**End of the flashback**

"Sora-channnnn~"

Argh! That voice again. I really hate the way that clown called my name.

"What do you want, Hisoka?" I give him one of my bored look.

"I just miss youuu, that's allll~" he said while smirking.

I ignored him and look at Illumi. He's using his needles to make him into something that really ugly and so not human figure. But that's not really matter, I just have to company him until the hunter exam end and I don't have to meet him again until our marriage date is set.

I slowed down my speed to search for Killua. When I found him, I leave Illumi alone and running to Killua's side.

"Onee-chan? What are you doing here?" He look so happy when he see me.

"For another mission. I heard you run away from home." I said bluntly.

"Yup! I'm so sick living there. I don't want other people to tell me what I have to do!" said the white hair boy.

I just nodded to him and keep running.

**4 hours later…**

I'm really bored now. I take my old diary when I was 5 from my backpack and start to read the first page while running.

Diary:

_August 25__th__, 19xx_

_I'm so happy! Today is my fifth birthdayyyy! This year is more special that last year.. Last year, my parents just said "happy birthday" to me and leave me alone. But this year, they even brought 3 guest to celebrate my birthday. _

_The first guest called Silva Zoldyck. He has white hair and white eyebrow! It's so cutee! I really want to shave that eyebrow! _

_The second guest called Kikyo Zoldyck. She's weird.. She looks like a robot but I can feel the blood running through her body. _

_The last guest called Illumi Zoldyck. He look so handsomeeee! I want my future husband to look like him! _

_After meeting them in my father's office, then all of us (include my mother) went to the eating room to eat some food and cake for my birthday!_

_After all of us done with our eating, my mother suddenly ask me to play with Illumi in my room. Actually I don't want to! I really want to spend my time with my parents, especially on my birthday.. But I don't want them to mad at me and start to beat me up again, so I just nodded and do as they said._

_When I and Illumi arrived at my room, I start to talk to him. I ask about his age, his hobby, his family and anything that won't make me bored. From that talk, I knew he's 4 years older than me and he never smile nor laugh. I'm started to feel that he hate me.._

_But all that feelings suddenly goes away when I saw his arms. There's so many scars! I took one of my medicine and apply it to him while crying. I'm really sad. _

_It's a secret but actually I have some kind of power. Every time I touch someone, I could saw their memory. When I touch Illumi, I saw his parents "bullying" him! Although my parents do that to me too, at least they still celebrate my birthday. But he didn't receive any love from his parents. Not even once._

_While I'm crying, suddenly Illumi laugh very loud and that makes me look up to see him. He smiled at me and asked why I'm crying. I can't tell him the truth, my parents will be very mad at me if they know anybody than them know my secret. So I told him a lie, I said it was because the scars looks so scary and must be hurt so much._

_Then he wiped the tears from my cheeks and said thank you for taking care of him. After that we played together, we played hide and seek in my room (my room is sooooooo biggggg). _

_After 2 hours playing together, he took his bag and start to search for something. Then he give me this diary! He said this diary is present for me! I'm so happy that I start to cry again. _

_Actually, I wonder too why I'm crying so much just in one day. But I think it's alright. Because this is tears from happiness and if happy means cry a lot, I think that's okay for me to cry everyday!_

_Before we even realized it, it's already midnight and one of my maid said that Illumi had been called by his parents to go home. I look sad and my eyes is full of my tears, but before the tears go down, Illumi suddenly whisper something to me and I quickly wiped my tears away and he kiss me on the cheek. _

_Just like that, he went home, leaving me all behind with his present._

_NB: _

_He whisper to me, "Thanks for playing for me today. It's the first time I have fun in my life. Please don't tell anybody that I smile or laugh, I will tell you the reason the next time we met okay? And stop being a crybaby, Sora."_

End of the Diary.

I closed the diary and throw them to my backpack. I really want to laugh when I read every words that has been written there. I wonder how I could be so happy 15 years ago.

I take a look at Illumi and smirked.

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**Please review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Finally!**

**I didn't think I would finish chapter two in just one day.**

**I would like to say thanks to KuraiOkami-chan and Ayuzawa Yume for the review. It's really mean a lot for me. **

**Well, happy reading!**

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It's the second phase already and I have to cooked a pig..

The good thing is I'm a good cook because my mother teach me how to become a proper girl when I'm 7 years old and I can do all of it perfectly in just 3 months. The bad thing is even though I can do it, I hate it. I hate that "cooking" stuff. That's a servant thing. But I guess I don't have any choices.

I took down one pig and start to cook it carefully. When I finished it, I took it to the examiner called Menchi and she said that I passed the exam.

Of course I am, I'm from Lie's Family. There's nothing that I couldn't accomplish.

After a while, many people start making a ruckus. They're saying that Gourmet Hunter is not important and blah blah blah. They just can't accept their foolishness.

Suddenly an old man jump from the airship. I don't really hear what he's saying and start to looking for Illumi. He's 5 meter away from me. I know that he know I'm looking at him with "can't-cook-huh-mr.-perfect" and he just pretend that I wasn't there.

**TIME SKIPS**

Now we are on the plane, going to the third phase. I'm just sitting with Hisoka beside me. I asked him to stay away from me but it looks like he won't listening. So I give up and let him do anything he want as long he don't disturb me.

I take a little look at Illumi and he looks like he didn't care even if I died any moment. Well, what am I expect from him after all?

I'm getting tired so I take a little sleep.

Dream:

"_Yo."_

_I looked back and saw Illumi standing in front of my door._

"_Illumiiiiiiiiiii! I really miss youuu! You said you will visit me soon, but it's already 2 months!" I said to him while running to him._

"_Hmm.. I do say that I will visit you, but I never said I will visit you soon.." he said with his expressionless face._

"_Oh stop it really, and please reply my messages quickly okay? You have that phone for some reason." I replied him._

"_Some reason like jobs from my father, right?" he said teasingly._

"_ARGHHH! I will bite youuuuuuuuuuuu!" I started to chased him but I bumped into the wall._

End of the dream.

I woke up suddenly because I hear some noises of other people fighting. I wonder why I had that dream, It's already a long time ago.

That's right. Long time ago I was closed to Illumi. Not like this, stranger. I really wished I could go back to the past. Still, it was nothing but a mere wish. It will never happen no matter how much I want to.

"I guess I still love him, huh?" I asked to myself.

Then the reality hits me. I'm leaning to someone while I'm sleeping. How could I make such mistake? I should have already got used by sleeping while sitting thing.

I sit back properly and look to my left to see who is the lucky guy and I saw Illumi. Damn! Its mean he hears me! I look at him to see what kind reaction he will have but he just go away and act like nothing ever happen.

Well, actually there's nothing happen. But at least, he should have mad at me because I sleep without any guard. Oh God please, give me the old Illumi back.

**Third phase**

I look around. Many stupid people is wondering how to get down. Really? If those people really become a hunter, maybe I have to make anti-hunter community.

I start to look for the secret door in the floor and found one. I fall down. When I'm preparing myself to landing with my legs, someone catch me. It's Illumi. Seriously? Do I really need to meet him in every place I go?

"Be careful next time." he said to me with his so annoying voice.

I just nodded. I don't want to get to close with him anymore. It's already so painful to remember it again.

I look everywhere and found three bracelets. So we need one more people. He just sitting in front of me and ignoring me.

Suddenly someone fall down and landed on his/her feet quickly. I saw who it was and I sighed. It's Hisoka. What an unexpected coincidence.

We took the bracelet and start walking. Hisoka killed every people he meet and we were the first that passed the third exam.

Well, actually Hisoka's the first, I'm the second, and Illumi's the third. Who ever announced the notice is sure doesn't know the "girl first" rules.

I waited about forever when Killua and he so called friends come out. As expected. The Zoldyck's do have good eyes to choose him as the new heir.

On the boats:

Now all of the contestant are going to the fourth phase by a ship. They asked us to take one paper randomly from a box and I did as they asked. When I opened it, It show number 1. I know who it is. I already remember everyone plates even before we took the first phase. I see my own plate and see number 25 is written there. Finally, it's going to be interesting.

I look at the other contestant. All of them look at each other with suspicious glare and start to hiding their own plates. How funny, are they really that weak? I'm staring at my prey, number 1. He's a boy in his early twenty and quite handsome. I start my acting talent.

"Umm. Hello there.." I said while blushing.

"Hello. Hey, I know you! You're the only one who passed that Menchi crazy test!" he said while smiling.

"Yeah.. I'm so glad you remember me. Actually, I want to make an alliance with you. I'm just a weak girl. I just don't want to get killed in there. I'll give you my plate too! So please protect me!" I said while tears started to form in my eyes.

"What? Don't cry! It's okay, I don't want your plate. You're not my prey no.25." he said while winking to me.

"Really? Oh thank you so muchhh!" I said while holding he's hand. What a fool. He trusted me right away. Actually I don't have to do this. I can just kill him right away and just sleep for a week. But I'm bored and I want to know what will Illumi do when his fiancé is acting like a kid with other person.

I can feel Illumi's eyes is looking at me but he didn't do anything. He just sitting quietly and stared at me for 10 seconds. After that, he's acting like I never existed again. But it's okay. At least he still cares..

When we arrived at the island, I tell my prey, I mean I tell Nagato that I'll waiting for him somewhere and when its he's turn, I'll come to him. He agreed to me and the forth phase begin.

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**That's it! How is it? Is it bad? Is it good? Please review! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Finally chapter 3 is finished!  
**

**I also want to thanks for your support, Okami-chan.**

**Well, enjoy the reading!**

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I'm already in the island. Now, I just have to wait for Nagato to come in and I will continue my trip with him. Well, that's what supposed to happen.

After I jump into one big tree that I found, I'm sitting on it and waiting for my dear prey. It's Illumi's turn to go in now, my eyes following him like a child following her mother. I see Illumi walking to my direction, maybe it's just coincidence. But it's not. He suddenly disappeared from my eyes and show up behind me.

"What are you going to do with number 1?" He asked me.

"He's my target. Any problem?" I asked him and look to his face. His face is about 5 cm away from me.

"I know. I'm asking why you acted friendly with him." He replied me while start to take out his needles from his face.

Now I'm looking at that face again.

"The last time I checked, there's no rules that saying I can't be friendly with anyone." I show no expression on my face when I said that.

He's still looking at me with his expressionless face and blank eyes.

"Do whatever you want." He said and leaving me behind.

I saw him walk away from me.. "Do whatever I want? I wish I could." I whisper and make sure he won't hear it.

I stop looking at him and start searching for Nagato. I'm pretty sure it was his turn now and I'm right. I found him right away and surprised him from behind. He jump a little and when he saw me, he started laughing and asking me to not do that again. I nodded and run to his side.

We started searching for his prey, number 33. But we don't see anyone except each other. Actually, I'm the one who do that. Every time we are close to someone else, I asked him to change the route and he quickly agreed. Fool, I bet he do that to every pretty girl he met.

**At night**

"Sora, I will back soon okay? I think I saw someone there." Nagato said while pointing at the forest.

I look at him and start crying. Then I said "Please come back, okay? Even though it's just been only few hours, I really don't want to lose you?". Oh my, my acting is really good.

"Don't worry. I won't leave you alone. After I comeback and got my hunter license, I will marry you and we can start a new happy family." He said with big smile on his face.

I show my happy expression and hugged him. Accidently, my power to see someone past come and I saw his.

Nagato past:

"_Mother.. Please don't leave me.. Pleasee…" said the 10 years old boy who's crying now._

_I take a look at Nagato's 10 years old form and just standing beside him._

"_Listen Nagato, live happily okay? Find a good woman to be your life's company and make sure she's having a happy life with you. Don't be like your father. And the last thing, I love you my son.." Nagato's mother said that to him and breathed her last breath._

End of Nagato's past

Every time I go to someone past, I'm not only seeing it, but I can feel their emotions too. Seeing them like that and feeling Nagato's emotion in my body, I already grasp the situation. So his father left his mother behind and went away with another woman.

Then I start to active my new power. My new power allows me to know what other people think just by looking at their eyes, it's easier to use than the first one.

I look at Nagato and start to hear his thought.

"Sora is crying for me and hugging me right now. How lucky I'm. Even though she killed me now, I won't have any regret."

I look at him with confused face. If he already knew that I will kill him, then why he still hugged me back? Doesn't he know that it just make me easier to killed him?

"So you already know that I'm going to killed you… Then why you don't run now? I'll give you the chance." I said to him and get out from his hug.

"It's okay. If you get close to me, than it's because of my plate right? I already guess that much." He replied.

I asked him to give me the reason and he told me.

He's name is Nagato Shiromiya from Shiromiya clan. His father abandoned his mother and him when he's just 6 years old. Since then, his mother started to get sick but they were too poor to bought medicines. He tried to ask his father's help but his father beat him up and told him to not come back anymore. At age 10, his mother's dead and he want to take revenge at his father. But he can't do that. he can't brought himself to killed his own father. So he tried to forgive him.

At age 13, he saw his father's lived happily with his new family. It makes him feel angry and the desired to kill his own father start to comeback. He tried to kill him but he did not succeed. His cold father cursed him and wanted to kill him too. But before he could do that, there's young girl who already killed him.

Nagato take look at the girl and saw a beautiful angel. That girl was the one that kill his father and bring Nagato's heart to peace. Nagato's really glad that the angel came. Year after years, he tried to search for his angel and find her. Her name is Sora Lie. A cruel assassin that has the beauty of an angel.

But that doesn't make Nagato give up his love. He's still trying to meet his angel again. So he went to take the hunter exam because he wanted to become a great man and tell his angel that he was not a weakling anymore.

When he arrived there, fate is on his side. He saw the angel that always in his mind. "She's still an angel even after this long years." he thought.

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**Seriously, after I wrote this chapter, suddenly I have an urge to slapped Illumi and pair Sora with Nagato.**

**But of course, I can't do that.**

**Stay tune for the next chapter!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hello there!**

**I just write 2 chapters this day and I'll upload it right away. So stay tune okay?**

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"It's like that and I know you won't remember me at all. So when you approached me and start acting like a child back there, I know that I'm your target and you just want to play with me." said Nagato and he smiled at me.

I can't talk anything. I just don't believe it. Is there something like that too in this world?

"Okay, I'm going to take a look around now and please don't leave me. I pretend to not know anything because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Well, before you killed me hahahaha." He said again and starting to go away.

I know there's something wrong with him. He never asked me anything. Literally! He never asked anything about me like he already knows it. Actually, I have already thought that he already know what my true intention was. But he still smiled and protected me from any animal that will harm me, so I erased the thought and continue my acted.

I think about it deeply and didn't realize that Illumi is coming to my direction. Then, he showed me his hand. He's holding Nagato's head. Yes, just his head… After that, he threw me something and it's falling to the ground beside me. I look down to see what it was and I saw Nagato's plate.

"I was trying to take a rest than he suddenly approached me. He disturbed me, so I just killed him. When I saw his plate, I remember that he's your target. So just take it and take a rest for 6 days." He said.

I'm too shocked to answer him… The next thing I knew, I slap his face. He received the slap and didn't say anything to me. He's not even trying to dodge it.

"What do you want from me? 3 years ago, you left me alone! Now what? You killed the man who loved me from the bottom of his heart? Nice job Illumi-san. Keep up your good work. Make sure I don't feel any happiness okay? Make sure I won't even feel any pain again from all of your doing to me!" I shout at him and run away.

I hate him! I hate him! I hate himmm! It's not like I love Nagato or something like that. I just hate that Illumi do that to me. I know Nagato didn't bother him. Illumi's the one who has been following him since the very start! I thought it was cute of him to act like that and decided to not say anything.

I stopped running and sit down. I look up and see the sun is going up soon. The incident that happen yesterday makes me tired. So I take a little sleep.

Dream:

"_Illumiiiii! Let's play okay? I'm really bored." A 7 years old girl shouted to 11 years old boy._

"_What do you want to play? Don't you have training?" the 11 years old boy replied to the little girl._

"_Today my schedule is empty! I don't have any training or mission. So let's play okay?" I begged to Illumi._

"_Okay okay. Don't give me that look. You know that I won't be able to refuse you right?" Illumi chuckled._

"_YEAYYYY! _ _Thank you my dear husbandddd!" I laugh at him. _

_When I'm 6 years old I saw my target's wedding and I want one too! I told Illumi and Illumi said I can't be married unless I'm 16 years old or older. _

_So I asked him to do a secret wedding party with me. Like that, now I'm his wife and he's my husband._

End of the dream

I wake up and chuckling because of my dream. I'm dreaming about the past lately. It's funny to see my pure image and its relief me to see the kind Illumi.

Long time ago, Illumi would be very kind to me, not like this. He didn't let any expression went out from his face except he's with me. When we were alone, he would be very cute. He smiled, he laughed, he patted me, he hugged me when I'm scared.

Still, the one who changed is not just him. I changed too. I only do silly things with him. When I'm 10 years old, I tried to kill my parents and realized that I can do it. But I spared their life. They're the one who let me met Illumi after all.

Back to me.

From the second time I meet him and until 3 years ago, I always ask him to play something weird with me. Like the marriage thing. It's hard to admit but I do love him. But I didn't let him know that and pretend to be his little sister. I'm scared that when he knew I had some feeling for him, he will leave me alone. Guess what? He really did it.

I wonder why he didn't reject the engagement. Well, he never rejected anything that his parents ask. But, is that mean if he's getting engaged to another girl who he didn't know before, he still accepted it? Okay, it's hurt just from thinking about it.

I lay down and stared to the sky. I chuckled a bit. What are my parents thinking when they give me name Sora? Sora means sky. Maybe they do their job a lot at night and thinking "Oh wow, the sky is so black! I want my daughter to have black soul, so maybe if I give her name 'Sora', she will become like that!".

I mean, seriously... I have 4 siblings, three sisters and one brother exactly. I'm the oldest one, the second is Yume Lie, the third is Yue Lie, the forth is Sonata Lie, the last and the only man after my father in my family, Len Lie. All of us have different looks, not like the Zoldycks.

I have white hair, red eyes, and pale skin. Sometimes, I hate my own skin. Long ago, when I was still a child, I love my pale skin. It's looked pretty on me. But when Illumi left me, my color skin only reminded me of him. I tried to have a little tan by went to the beach, but it didn't work.

I'm lost in my deep thinking and suddenly Hisoka face showed up in front of me. I tried to sit but he pushed me down.

"What do you want stupid clown?" I stared at him. I'm not scared, I can even kill him right away, but I know Illumi is with him and now watching us.

"Tch. You're not scared, aren't you?" he said. He released me from his grasp and offered me his hand to stand up.

I ignored his hand and keep staring at the sky.

"Hisoka, could you please go away for a second? I have something to talk to her." said the expressionless man.

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**How is it? **

**and don't worry, I'm not a cliff hanger. I'll upload the next chapter right away.**


	5. Chapter 5

**This is it! **

**Happy reading :D**

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I take a little look at Illumi and saw Hisoka walked away from both of us. I hate that clown. When I asked him to go, he just smiled at me and when Illumi asked him, he did it without any complaint. I'm pretty sure that only crazy girls who want to be with him.

"What do you want to talk about, Illumi-san?" I sit and started to talk to Illumi when I can't feel Hisoka's presence anymore.

"Drop the honorifics."

"Why should I?"

"Just do it."

"Fine, Illumi." I glared at him when I said that. It's been a long time since the last time I called him like that.

Illumi glared at me and started to talk. "Good. Now, answer my question and don't talk about anything than you should."

I just nodded at him. I don't want to talk to him right now. Not after something that so shameful. How could I slap him? Or maybe he wanted to take revenge now?

"First, do you love that guy?" he said. His voice makes me stop thinking about that revenge thing.

I looked at his eyes and found nothing in it. I'm so stupid. Just for a second, I thought he cared for me. But I think it's not the problem. He's eyes already tell me everything. He doesn't need something called feelings.

"Yes." I lied to him. Maybe if he thought that I don't have any feelings for him anymore, he will be good again to me. Maybe he will be kinder to me. Damn love, I don't need it. Even if he won't ever love me, he's still my future husband. I can hold it if he won't give me any of his loves. But please, at least smile at me. Just this once is okay too.

Suddenly, he show up in front of me and grip my neck tightly. Oh right, I'm a fool for thinking that he would change just by my little lie. He must be taking his revenge now. He looked angry at me. Wow, never thought that he could show any expression. Maybe my slap has hurt his pride.

"What do you mean by you love him? Is that the feelings that you felt to me 3 years ago?" he said. I glared at him and ignoring my pain.

"I don't know. What do you think?" I smirked at him. It's better for him to hate me than ignore me.

"Like I said before, ask my question. I'm not playing some games with you." he tightening his grip on my neck.

"Yes. I love him. I love him more than I loved you." I shouted at him and my eyes start to producing something that I have lost 3 years ago. Tears. It hurts me when I have to tell him that I love someone else. I always lied to everyone and never felt bad before. But Illumi... He's different.

Illumi saw my damn tears and take his hand from my neck. He touched my cheeks with both of his hands and swiped my tears. He looked at me with the same eyes that he have when he was just 9 years old.

Then he shocked when he realized what he was doing and jump away from me.

"It's just a mistake. Just act like it's never happened." He said and gave me his cold stared again.

That's it. I can't take this anymore.

I smiled at him and nodded. "It's okay. You're just a foolish after all. You can't even know that I'm lying to you. Don't worry, I don't love him. I don't need anyone else. I'm not a weakling like how you thought I was." I said to him and start to walk to his side.

"Oh, and for your information. I can kill you every time I want to, Illumi-san. Or should I just call you 'dear fiancé'?" I giggled at him.

He looked surprised at my attitude and it's make me more confident that what I'm doing now is for the best.

Now I'm standing in front of him and played his hair with my hand. "I have changed, my love. I won't trust anyone again. Not after I take the lesson from you. You really are my best teacher. I'm proud to be one of your students." I said to him and he gripped my hand that now playing with his hair.

"Watch your temper. I'm still your future wife. You don't want your future wife to have only one hand right?" I smirked at him. "Oh, I know! You want a girl that will act cute in front of you! I can do that, I'm a good actress." I laughed at my own words. If I don't laughed now, I don't know if I can hold the tears in my eyes anymore.

"You really changed." He finally said something after that long speech of mine.

I looked at his face that now just only 5 cm from me. I really want to scream and said that it was not true. But I can't now. It's too late.

I just smiled at him and nodded. I touch his grip and he started to loosen it. I took his hand and examined it. 3 years ago, his hand is not like this. It's more powerful and bigger now. I touch his hair and playing with it again, it's longer now. I also realized that he's taller now. I take a look at his eyes. It's the same color, black. But it was not the same eyes that I looked many years ago. It's cold.

I used to hug him and he would always hug me back. I wonder who is the boy that standing in front of me now. He has the same eyes, hair, hands, legs, and body; but he's not the one that I'm looking for.

When I'm I child, I always think that he was my destined one, my prince. I trust him with everything I had. I know. It's crazy for a little girl to have that in mind. But he always with me whenever I need someone to cried on.

I touch his face with both of my hands and stared at his eyes.

"Answer me, Illumi. Just for once or even a second, have you ever loved me?" I asked him with very small voice. I don't know if he can hear it or not.

Illumi just stared back at me and didn't give me any response.

I still touched his face when suddenly Hisoka come.

"Am I bothering you guys?" Hisoka smirked at both of us.

I take away my hands from Illumi and walk to Hisoka. I kiss his cheek and hold his arm.

"Hisoka, I just asked for Illumi permission. He said it's okay for me to be with you as long as our parents didn't found out about it." I said.

Hisoka saying some stuff to Illumi and Illumi just stared at us. He didn't say anything and he didn't clear any misunderstanding. He just stayed still and act like nothing happen.

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**How is it?**

**Please review!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Air Traveling.. I'm sorry for the mistake I made, actually the reviews that all of you write didn't appear on my email, so I thought that no one read this and kinda lose my spirit to write. But because I know now that there's someone who still read this, I will keep writing it. Thanks for your support!**

**AishiChan13.. Thanks really! If it's not because you followed this story, I won't realize the reviews and probably will leave this story. So, thanks for your support!**

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It's already the sixth day and only one more day left. I stayed close at Hisoka and Illumi because I wonder what relationship that they have. If I don't know Illumi well enough, I probably thought that they're gay. Well Hisoka has the potential, but Illumi? No way.

I look to my left and saw Hisoka. Hisoka know that I'm lying and didn't mind that I'm sticking around with him. Of course he won't mind, after all I'm Sora Lie. I'm perfect in any aspect (wth), everyone want to be with me except that damn gorgeous assassin.

Did I just say that he's gorgeous? Gross. I know that he's handsome, but I already make up my mind. I will stop thinking about him because it's the most pathetic thing I did in my life. I mean, he didn't even care about me! What am I hoping from him?

Suddenly I can feel someone's bloodlust and I don't even need to check who it was.

"I have some business now, got to gooo~ I'm gonna miss you Sora-channnn. I'm not gonna be back until tomorrow 'kayyy? So don't search from me and let's meet up again after this phase finished~". The clown said and left me alone with Illumi.

The last thing that I want on my list now is to be alone with him. Well, it's still on the list. We had ignored each other since our last conversation, so it will be damn weird now when there's no Hisoka around.

I saw Illumi walking to a big tree and sit beside it. I walk to the opposite direction because I don't want to get too close to him. Then, I saw a big rock. I sit next to that rock and take out my diary again because I'm bored. I flipped some few pages and one page is taking my interest.

Diary:

_February 14__th__, 19xx_

_Yeayyy! Guess what day is it! It's Valentine's Day!_

_Today, I visited Illumi's house and give him a chocolate. He said he's happy with it and gave me patted my head! I'm soooo happy! He said he will give me a chocolate too next month. I can't wait for it! Oh God, please make the time move faster._

_I come to his house alone (I sneak up and didn't tell my family because it's fun and thrilling). Well what can I say, I'm a smart child. That's why I can go back to home safely and still writing this diary._

_When I arrived at his house, I saw a very bigggggg door. I approached the guard and ask "Hello Mr. guard, may I ask something? If I want to enter Illumi's house, do I just need to open the door or do you have to tell the butler first?" The guard surprised when he saw me, probably because he didn't expect a child would know how to get in there._

"_Well what's your name, dear? And why do you want to meet Illumi-sama?" the guard said and smiled at me._

"_My name is Lie Sora and I can't tell you my reason yet, sir. It's supposed to be a surprise." I answered him politely. Just like Illumi, now I only act like a spoiled child around him. _

"_Lie Sora?" the guard looked surprised when he heard my name. "I'm sorry for not realizing that it was you Lie-sama. You may come to the Zoldyck's realm if you able to open the door." He said and bowed to me._

_I looked at him and said my thanks to him. I push the door and the second door is opened. Not bad for a kid right?_

_I get in and saw a super huge dog eyeing me. I thought it was going to attack me, so I prepared to fight. But it doesn't do anything, it's just glared at me. I think he's just a guard dog and supposed to kill every people who climb the gate, not opened it._

_Suddenly, someone shouted "Mikeee!" and that dog run away, leaving me alone. I chased the dog. Why? Because I know who called it. The owner of that voice is my only light in this damn world, Illumi. I kept running and saw Illumi patted the dog's head._

"_Illumiiiiiiiiiiii!" I surprised him. Well, at least that's my intention. _

"_Who are you?!" Illumi shouted and look angry at me._

_I shocked. _

"_I'm just kidding. Please don't give me that face again, it's really ugly. I think it can even make my eyes burn." He smiled and walk to me._

_I frowned a bit but quickly replaced it with smile. "Ne, Illumi. I brought you something nice today. Guess it!"_

"_Hmm… Today is February 14__th__, so it's a chocolate right?" he take my hand and started walking._

"_You're no fun! Why do you have to be so smart?" I asked him._

"_I'm not smart. Almost every girl in this world will give a chocolate to her dear one, so it's not weird for me to know about it." He answered me._

"_Well, it's true… "_

"_Oh, is it a homemade chocolate?"_

"_Yes! I hope you will like it." I opened my backpack and give him a heart shaped chocolate._

"_Thanks, Sora. I'll eat it when we arrived at my house okay?" He said while pointing to his left. I saw what it was and I saw a big house. But even though it's huge and pretty, it has a cold aura surrounded it. I don't like it._

End of the diary

I closed that damn diary and closed my eyes. I still remember it. I remember everything that 'we' did together. Even though many years past, but the feelings remain untouched. But I have made up my mind, I will forget him. No, I "have" to forget him.

I opened my eyes again and saw Illumi was already standing in front of me. I didn't really want to talk to him, so I just stayed silent.

"So…" He said and broke the silent between both of us with his usual bored voice. I look at him and wait for him to talk again.

"After this exam, what will you do?" he said and sat beside me.

"Why do you ask?" I said and quite surprised because my voice is as calm as usual.

"Well, you're my future wife. So it's not really weird for me to ask it right?" he questioned me back.

"Probably I'll leave you alone like you want to and went back to the state when "we" never exist, like 3 years ago." I said chuckling.

"Stop it. It's not funny." He narrowed his eyes at me.

"Why do you think so? It's very funny. Whenever I thought about it again, I kept laughing until the tears escaped from my eyes." I said and smiled at him.

"And about that Nagato thing, you can tell my family if you want to. You probably can even decline our engagement with that as your reason." I said again and narrowed my eyes too.

I look at him and he still doesn't show any emotions slip out from his face.

"I don't know what you thought when you think that I'm in love with Nagato, but it's not true. It's always been you, it's never change. But don't worry, when we passed this exam, the next time we meet will probably on our marriage thing or when we do our mission together. If my family asked me about us, I'll said that we met a lot. That's why I wish that you will do the same." I said again politely and my face went back to normal.

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**That's it. How is it? **

**Is Illumi OOC here? I wish no. **

**Is the pace is to slow? I have a dilemma here. I wish for them to be together but I don't want to make Illumi is too OOC. It's just not right.**

**Well, please review! It's makes me very happy. You can PM me too if you want to add new OC and new pairing. **


	7. Chapter 7

**Sorry for the long update! The school is killing me slowly! so many assignments and exams.**

**Well here's chapter 7.**

**Happy reading! :D**

**AnimeFreak145... Thanks for giving me an idea to create a new OC.**

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**Time skips**

I opened my bedroom door and throw my bag to the floor. I quickly take a bath and change my cloth. I take a glance at the mirror and saw a girl in her early twenties. I'm wearing my usual clothes, black hoodie and short pants. Then, I take a sip of a coffee that my maid made for me. After that, I went to my father's office.

I told him what happened (excluding what happen between me and Illumi). But I still tell him that Illumi is disguising himself and make his younger brother, Killua went home without passing the exam. My father doesn't look surprised when he heard it. Of course, Illumi had killed many people, so hurting his brother won't be such a surprised thing.

I keep silent and waiting for my father's words.

"Do you know why Illumi did that?" my father said, broke the silent between us.

I shook my head and said "No. I'm not really interested in the Zoldyck's problem." Of course I knew why, it's because Killua's run away from his own home and stab his brother and mother, but I'm not good enough to tell my father that information. Well, I'm not 100% lying. I'm really not interested on their family, except Illumi. From what I hear from my clients, the Zoldyck won't hurt each other. So I think my father must be suspicious about it.

I leave my father's office and lied on my bed. I think of doing hypnosis to my brain. I'm manipulation type, I can change someone memories when I see she's/he's eyes. So maybe I can do it to my brain too if I tried it hard enough.

*RING*

I stopped my thought and searched for my phone, I wonder why my phone is missing every time I need it. After I search my whole room, I found it on my bed. Seriously? There must be some dark magic here. I can't believe I didn't see it lying on my bed.

I looked at my phone and saw 'DO NOT ANSWER' name on my phone. It's Illumi, I changed it so I won't get too excited and start screaming around. I answered it and there's voice coming out from my little-damn-thing-called-phone.

"Yo." He said.

"…"

"Do you hear me?"

"Yes." I replied.

"Want to go to dinner tonight?" he replied me back.

I throw away my phone. I'm too shocked and run away from my own room. I picked my home's phone and called Illumi.

"Yo." He said.

"Illumi, is your phone with you right now? I think you lose it somewhere. There's something wrong with it, it called me and asking me to go to dinner with it." (A/N: I write 'it' instead of 'him' because she thought the one who asked her to go to dinner is the phone, not Illumi.)

"No, it's with me and you're calling my phone now. If I lose it, I won't be able to pick up your called right?"

I smashed my home's phone.

I can't believe it. Illumi's asking me to go with him? There must be something wrong. Maybe I'm dreaming now. I bite my hand and feel hurt, so it's not a dream. Or maybe Illumi want to kill me because I act like a spoiled child. But there's no way he did that, he will only make our family become an enemy and I'm sure his father's won't like it. Well, whatever. Illumi is asking me to go to dinner with him! That's what important right now. I started searching for my best dress and wearing it.

* * *

Illumi picked me up with his car at 7:00 PM, he's wearing a black suit and looked so damn handsome. I went in to his car.

"So… I thought you don't want to see me again." I said, breaking the silence between us.

"I never said yes to it." He answered.

"Then do you want to see me after this day?" I look at him.

"I do not wish to answer that." He replied.

Damn it. If I don't love him so badly, I'll kill him right away. Oh God, why do you have to be this cruel to me.

We arrived at the restaurant and Illumi open the door for me. I get out from the car and he closed the door. Then, something unexpected happen again today. He offers his hand to me. Because of my reflex, I hurriedly grab his hand and smile widely. For the first time after this long 3 years, he smiled. DAMN IT, I LOVE HIM.

We get into the restaurant, I feel so happy and can't stop the stupid grin on my face. We sit in private room, but there are 4 seats here… It only means one thing, it's not a date. Then suddenly, a red haired man come in, he looks like Hisoka, but this one is more handsome. No painting on his face and the hair reach his shoulder. Behind that man, there's a girl. She has dark purple hair and green eyes.

"Hi Sora-chan." The man said.

I gasped.

"Are you okay?" Illumi asked.

"That man… Is he Hisoka?" I questioned.

"Oh my, we hadn't seen each other for only one week and you already forget me?" He said teasingly.

I hissed hearing his question. It's hard to admit, but he didn't look ugly without his make-up. I wonder why he didn't let his hair down like this every day.

"Shut up. So, who is that girl? Your girlfriend?" I smirked.

"Hello, my name is Suzuki Akemi. I'm Hisoka's fiancé." said the purple hair girl.

I looked at Illumi and having an urge to slap him again. I thought he's asking me out because he want to have a date with me, but what? He brought another girl (well, actually it's Hisoka's girl and the one who brought her is Hisoka, but she's still a girl!) I hate it!

I still remembered when I'm 11 years old and he's 15 years old. There's one girl that like Illumi a lot. Her father's a client from the Zoldyck, so she often came to Illumi's house and asked him to play with him. Well, luck was not on her side that day. I came to Illumi's house too. So when I saw her, I immediately kill her. Illumi scold me, but I don't care. I must kill everyone who closed to Illumi. He's mine.

"I want to go home." I whispered to Illumi and like usual, he's ignoring me. I stand up and said "Sorry, but I have some business to do. Well, goodbye."

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**That's it! So how is it? Please review! **


	8. Chapter 8

**Finally! I finished writing this chapter. **

**Sorry for the long update, I'm going crazy because of the school. So many homework and exams.**

**Anyway, I want to say thank you to everyone that followed, favorited, and reviewed this story! It really makes me want to update soon!**

**Also, Chrollo will appear in this story. Maybe he's a bit OOC. **

**Well, happy reading!**

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I go back to my home and arrived at 9:00 PM.

"Damn that scary-weird-expressionless-blank-stupid-handsome face man."I yelled and close my room's door. He's so not a gentleman. His own fiancé left him alone with another couple and he doesn't chase her. Well I know it was childish of me to do that, but I'm just a 'normal' girl, I want to act spoiled too!

Okay… It's time to stop mad at that handso… ups, I mean that ugly man, I will just take a shower and thinking about what the hell happened in my life.

~20 minutes later~

"Like I thought, showering really makes me stop angry." I grinned and look at the mirror. I saw myself grinned and I looked like an idiot, so I stop it. Then I noticed 'something' standing behind me, I turn my back and tried to push him but he didn't move at all. So I punched him and that damn man still didn't give me any reaction.

"You hate me that much?" that man said.

"What are you doing here?" I said and glared at him.

"Nothing. I'm just bored." He answered.

"Whatever. Just don't bother me." I said to that handso…, I mean that ugly man.

I picked my phone and called Chrollo.

"Hello?" said the voice that coming from my phone.

"Yes?" I answered.

"You realized that the one who called first is you right? So what do you want?" he replied back.

"Oh yeah… I want to meet you, tomorrow at usual place, okay? I will text you to give the time, I have to check my schedule first." I said. Damn that Illumi, he makes me lose my concentration.

"Okay. See you tomorrow." He replied back and closed the call.

After the call ended, Illumi take my phone and check the call log.

"Chrollo? What business do you have with him? It's better if you don't get to close with the Phantom Troupe." He said and blink once.

"I believe it's not the reason why you come here. So, what happen to that green eyes girl and Hisoka?" I questioned him.

"Nothing. I just want to meet my future wife, make sure she's alright. That's all." He answered it like it was some kind of speech.

Tch. What an alibi he had there.

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**~The next day~**

"Sorry I'm late." I said to the black short haired man and sit beside him. We meet at a Café called "The Lotus".

_Flash back:_

_We met each other 2 years ago. One of my clients asked me to killed Machi. But because she's one of the Phantom Troupe member, I just captured her and asked how to contact the Phantom Troupe leader. Just like I thought, she didn't tell me anything. So I used my ability to read her mind and hit her until she's unconscious. I took my phone and pushed some numbers that I got from Machi's memories. _

"_Hello leader-of-the-Phantom-Troupe-san. I had captured one of your members that have pink haired. I'm thinking to go to your base now, without taking this girl of course. Will you please command the other members to go somewhere else? I don't want to have any useless fight here. If you agree, said yes. Don't say anything else. I don't want any of your members to know this. But if you're not agreed, then you can just wait until I send this pink haired lady's corpse." I threatened him._

"_Yes." He answered._

_End of the flash back._

"It's okay. So what do you want?" he asked.

"Is it wrong to miss my own ex-boyfriend?" I said teasingly.

"It's wrong, except if you erased the 'ex' part." He answered.

"I already told you, right? I have a fiancé now, I can't be with you anymore." I said to him and give him my painful face.

We used to love each other. Even though I still love Illumi when I date him, I still had some feelings left for him. But when I saw Illumi again, I want him back. I don't need any other man. I don't need Chrollo. I just need one person, it's Illumi.

I know it's funny because leader of the Phantom Troupe that has killed and stole many things from people can love someone that had threatened him before. But it's not that simple. Because I don't killed Machi and let him instead killed my client, we become a best friend. Actually at first, I didn't kill Machi because I want Lie's family to have a good connection with the Phantom Troupe. But hey, destiny likes to play with people life right?

"I know. I heard that your fiancé is a Zoldyck. I also heard that you're his childhood friend. So do you love him?" he smiled at me.

"I used to, but that kind of feeling already left." I smiled too.

He get up and sit in front of me. Damn it, he know that I can read someone mind easily and sometimes I read someone mind without noticing it. I look down to make sure I won't see his eyes, I don't want to hear or see any of his mind now.

"So you don't even want to see my face anymore." He said sadly.

"It's not like that!" I said and bring up my face. I look at his eyes just like he want me to. I see something that I wished to forget. His memories of us together. It's the memories that makes me forgot Illumi even for a short time.

_Flash back:_

"_Shut up ugly." I shout to Machi._

"_I don't want to!" she shouted back at me and look at Chrollo, "Like I said before, it's okay if you trust this girl. But you said you love her? There's no way I can accept this! It's unacceptable!" she said it with a soft voice. _

"_I know it's hard for you to accept her because she had kidnapped you before, but trust my decision. You're dismissed now." He told her._

_I smiled when I heard what Chrollo said. Of course he would choose me. I know that Machi didn't have any romantic feeling to Chrollo, it's just because she's too loyal to him, but I like it when someone choose me over someone else._

_End of flash back._

I opened my mouth and ready to say something to Chrollo, but suddenly someone grab my hand. I didn't have to turn my face to know who it was, I already know just from the way he grab me.

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**That's it! How is it?**

**And could anyone tell me whether Chrollo's OOC or not? It will be a great help for me!  
**


	9. Chapter 9

**Thanks for the reviews! I really happy to read it. **

**Sorry for Chrollo being an OOC, I hope it won't happen again. **

**After 2 or 3 chapter after this one, I will make sure I write Illumi and Sora sweet moment.  
**

**Anyway, like usual. Happy reading!**

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I glared at Illumi who grabbed my hand tightly. Chrollo grabbed Illumi's hand too, so it's become a very awkward situation. Not only that, many people staring at us too. I stand up and release myself from Illumi gripped. I give the cashier some money and leave Illumi and Chrollo. I open the door and leave them. They're soooooo annoying.

I know I should feel happy because Illumi suddenly show up and probably it's because he's following me secretly, but I hate it when he grab me like that. It's like he was saying "she's mine" to Chrollo. I'm not a thing, I'm a person. He never told me his feelings, but he keeps acting like that.

I go back to my home and throw away my body to my bed. After thinking about it, I have two possibilities. One, Illumi's really a gay. I mean he quite close to Hisoka and he probably like Chrollo too (love at the first sight). Or the second, he had a mission there and he hate me. So he over-heard when I'm talking to Chrollo and decided to make Chrollo mad at me. Well, both of them are ugly possibility so I'll pretend to not know anything.

I feel my eyes have become heavier. So I decided to close my eyes and take a little nap.

_Dream:_

"_What do you want for your birthday?" said the little boy._

"_I want a Pegasus with a white skin, black haired, silver eyes, golden wings" replied the little girl._

_I look at both of them. The boy is Illumi when he was about 13 years old and the little girl is me when I'm just about 9 years old. I still remember about this. I used to want Pegasus, I know it doesn't exist, but I still want it. What a childish dream._

"_I mean something that really existed." Illumi answered._

"_What do you mean? Pegasus existed!" the little girl said and grinned. She acted like she was the smartest person in the world._

"_Pegasus existed? Your mind is really screwed isn't it? Is that why you leave me and choose Chrollo?" Illumi said with his scary tone._

_What? I never remembered Illumi said that. No, there's no way he could said that. Illumi didn't know Chrollo before. So why did he suddenly said that? _

"_So Sora, is that person was the reason you left me? You pick that girly guy?" I heard someone talk behind me. I turn my body and saw Chrollo there._

_End of the dream._

**~ 1 hour later~**

"Get out from my room now." I said to Illumi.

"Is there something wrong with my presence here? Don't worry, I won't bother you." He replied and read the book that he was holding.

"Whatever. Why do you come here anyway? To make sure I won't meet up with Chrollo again?" I teased him.

"Yeah." He said, but he still didn't look at me. He's too busy with his book.

"What're you doing at the café? I'm surprised to see you there." I asked him.

"Just to make sure that my fiancé won't suddenly cancel the engagement just because of one thief." He answered and still reading the book.

I wander what's he's reading. I tried to read the first page, but he covered it with his hand. I look at the page and noticed something. That book looks like my diary, but mine's white and he's black. So it's his diary… An assassin had a diary? What the hell he wrote there? 10001 ways to kill people? 1001 ways to survived at an unpopulated island? 101 ways to make people love you? Okay, my imagination is starting to become too wild.

"Don't worry. I broke up with him to be with you, so there's no way I cancel our engagement just to be with him again. Anyway, is that your diary?" I asked the black haired man.

"I know there's no way you will cancel it, but I still don't like it when my fiancé get too close with other man. It's not good for my family reputation. About this book, it has nothing to do with you, so I don't want to tell you anything." he said it and still reading his damn book.

I narrowed my eyebrows when I hear his answered. Having a confidence is good, but having it too much can kill. I know deep inside my heart, I still love him. But I've tried to hypnosis myself before he came here, and I think it worked even just a little. When I saw his face, I don't feel the butterflies that flying in my stomach again. Instead, I feel nothing. I don't feel insecure, I don't feel love, it's like I just know him. If I knew it would be this relieving, I should have done this long time ago.

"There's some kind of mistakes here. It's true that I won't cancel the engagement but you can't make me your doll. I can get close to anyone I want. It's not for you to decide and don't worry, you can get close to every girl that existed in this world. I don't care anymore. If you want us to have a dinner with Hisoka and his fiancé again, it's okay too. This engagement thing is just for the family after all, not for us. You can have many girl friends out there, but you can't take one as your mistress. Okay? I think it was the best for us. We both didn't love each other, it will only hurt ourselves if we pushed our feeling." I said to him with my usual flat voice. I think this is the best decision that I've ever made. I only hypnosis myself one time and I already didn't have any feeling at him. If I used to 2 more times, maybe I won't even care about him anymore. It's a really good thing.

Illumi closed the book and look at me. For the first time after this 3 years, he looked sad. I don't understand it, why did he give me that face. Illumi is not supposed to act like this. He's a cold person, he didn't give any care about this world except for his family. So why he gave me this looked?

He started walking to my direction and touched my right hand slowly. He grabbed something from his pocket and I saw two beautiful rings. He took one of the ring and put it on my ring finger. I took the other ring and put it in his right ring finger too.

"Sorry it's late." He gave me his painful smiled. Because of the hunter exam, we didn't have time to search for our engagement rings and decided that it's not important. I didn't believe it. He really gave me one.

"And this book, it's my diary. I didn't have much time to write it, so I just wrote the last entries yesterday. Well, it's not important now. Just read it. " He said and gave me his diary.

"But it's yours. I don't want to read someone else diary." I answered.

"Please? After you finished reading it, you can give me that diary back. I made it specially for you after all. Don't make my effort gone wasted, okay?" he patted my head and leave me alone at my room.

* * *

**Soooo...**

**Can you guess what the next chapter about? **

**I will make sure to update fast :D **

**Don't forget to review! ;D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Finally I finished this chapter!**

**Happy reading!**

* * *

I'm looking at Illumi's diary. I wonder if I really have to read this book, I don't want to feel anything again about him. But why did he act like that? I think the secret lies in this black book.

"SORAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-NEEEEEEEEEE!" scream my sister, Yume.

"SHUT UP UGLY." I scream back to her.

"SO WHAT HAPPEN BETWEEN YOU AND ILLUMI? WHY DID HE WENT HOME LOOKING LIKE HE'S THE MOST PITIFUL PERSON IN THE WORLD?" ask that damn teenage girl.

"I DON'T KNOW. STOP SCREAMING!" I scream again. I won't stop screaming until she does. I don't like to lose.

"SHUT UP! BOTH OF YOU MAKING MY EARS BLEEDING!" scream my other sister, Yue.

"Okay, let's stop this." Said Yume.

Good. I know it will be like this, I know I will win.

"So, what happen to that weirdo?" asked Yue and Yume.

"Weirdo? Do you mean Illumi? Don't call him like that, he's your future brother-in-law." I said and leave both of them.

I go to a café and guess who I meet there? Suzuki Akemi also known as Hisoka's fiancé. This day can't be more weirder. First, suddenly Illumi give me his diary. Second, my sisters screaming at me like I'm deaf. Now third, I meet Hisoka's fiancé. I wish Hisoka isn't here too.

I sit down and pretend like I didn't know her. Well sadly, even though I pretend I didn't know her, she knew me. She got up from her seat and seat in front of me.

"Hi Sora-chan." She smile at me.

Is that girl dumb or what? Can't she see that I don't like her? And did she just said "Sora-chan"?

"What?" I asked her coldly.

"Nothing, it's rare to see you here. Actually I want to ask your number from Hisoka, but I think now I can ask you myself. You see, I want to ask you about Hisoka. Do you think he can love me?"

Okay, now she act like it was normal to ask about her relationship with someone she didn't really know well enough.

Normally, people will think about what do they have to say to answer this kind of question. But when someone ask me this, I will keep silent. Silent is gold after all.

"Please don't ignore me Sora-chan. I ask you this because I want Hisoka to love me! I know he didn't feel anything towards me, but what kind of girl want to marry someone who doesn't love herself?" she narrowed her eyes now. I think she's going to mad at me.

"I heard from Hisoka about your relationship…" she said calmly now, good. Wait… WHAT? HISOKAA! Someone have to rip out his blabbing mouth from his face.

"He said Illumi already fall in love with you now." She continued.

"Don't tell me anything anymore. I think it's the end of our conversation. Well, good bye Akemi-san. It's nice to meet you here, but I think it will be great for us to never meet each other again." I said Akemi. Just like her fiancé, she had a blabby mouth too.

I left the café and go back to my room. Lucky me, my sisters already left.

I lay on my bed and it feels so damn comfortable. I'm bored… I start search for Illumi's diary because I forgot where the hell I put it before. Well, I found it in my bag.

I sit on the window and start reading it.

**Illumi's diary:**

_08.25.19xx_

_My father said writing a diary is a good thing. But he said that I can never lose this diary, it can be a double sword. One, it can make me learn from my fault at the past. Two, someone can used this diary to trap me. I don't care, I won't lose it after all. The weird thing was he gave two diaries. One of them has a color of my hair, black and the other one has a color white. I chose black. That's why I used it._

_Today I meet with a girl name Lie Sora. She's a crybaby. Because she has a birthday party today, I gave her one of my diary. The white one of course, it matched her hair. She's a weird girl. She cried when she saw my wounds. No one had ever cried for me before. _

**End of Illumi's diary.**

Illumi write me on his diary? Maybe it's because he was still a kid. I flip the page and saw many other entries. Nothing catch my eyes, all of it only have 2 sentences and 5 sentences at the most. When I see the last page, it quite surprised me. He wrote one page full.

**Illumi's Diary:**

_Because I never write anything about Sora except the first entries, I will write it on this page._

_I met her when I was 9 years old. I used to play with her together whenever we met. When I met her, I acted like I'm out of my character. I always acted cold in front of everyone, but when it comes to her, I can't keep my cold side and smiled. _

_I know it's not good for me as assassin to feel like this._

_I don't want to get close to her anymore. _

_I have to be expressionless. _

_Feel nothing. _

_I don't need friend._

_I don't need Sora._

_I just need my family, that's all._

_That's why when she said she loved me, I had to get out from her life as soon as possible. Even though she loved me back, my pride makes me to choose between my assassin life as a Zoldyck or as a normal person who feels love. I chose my life as a Zoldyck._

_I left her alone. I pretend I don't love her. I pretend she's not important and I repeat it every day until three years past._

_After three years I left her, my parents told me that I'm going to be her fiancé. Of course I didn't say no to them. I didn't want them to get suspicious between our relationship._

_When I meet her again after three years, I realized it. Probably, for the rest of my life, I can't forget about her. I missed her._

_When I meet her again in the hunter exam, I feel happy. I get to see her even for a short time. But she acted like a bitch at the fourth phase. She got too close at one man, so I killed him. No one can touch her, include me. I'm not worth it._

_I tried to ask her to go to a dinner with me. She said yes. I feel a little happiness inside of me. This is one of the reasons why I left her. She makes me feel happy, sad, and anything more. I'm not allowed to feel anything!_

_When we arrived at the restaurant, she's still smiling. But when she saw Hisoka and his fiancé come in, she became jealous. It's not that I like Hisoka's fiancé, but I can't be alone with her. I don't know what I have to say. _

_The next day, I saw her with her ex. I feel mad. I don't want it. I don't want someone take her away from me. _

_That's why I write this. _

_I tried to forget her. I tried to leave her. I tried to hate her. I tried to feel nothing. Now, I'm tired. I want her back. That's all._

_If three years ago, I chose to be a Zoldyck_

_and if being a Zoldyck means I can't feel anything towards her. _

_Then, now I chose to be a normal person._

**End of the diary.**

After reading his diary, I quickly run to go to his house. I want to meet him! I want to say sorry to him! I didn't know Illumi feels like this… If only I realized it sooner!

.

.

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**~Illumi's POV~**

"Illumi. Do you really love Sora?" my mother asked me.

"Why do you ask mom?" I questioned her.

"I just happened to see your diary yesterday. So, about the last page… What was that about?" she questioned me back.

"Do you mean about that Sora thing? There's no way I have feelings for her. I wrote that to make sure she won't betray us." I answer her question.

* * *

**How is it?**

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